The Real NYC Nanny Guide

Surprise surprise y'all. I've worked as a nanny on and off for the past six years. I've been in and out of homes all over New York City, and needless to say, I know a lot about this delicate little world! Here is my personal NYC Nanny Guide geared towards helping new nannies and first time/curious parents seeking childcare. I answer lots of questions and discuss many topics, but if you have any further inquiries, feel free to email me.

What should I pay my nanny? 

The current going rate in New York City is anywhere from $10-$25/hr. Most legal, educated nannies will not work for less than $12/hr, and average nannies generally won't ask for more than $20/hr [anything more than $20/hr should require special expertise or responsibility].

You should pay according to:

• The expected duties and responsibilities [the more duties, the more per hour]
• The required hours [the less hours, the more you pay per hour- as a convenience]
• The nanny's experience and education level [more years of experience and more education merits more money].
• The amount of children [whatever rate you start at, add $2/hr per head]

Whether you choose to pay on the books or not is up to you and your nanny [I know it's the law, but it's hard to regulate anyways], but be sure to pay her time and a half for any hours over 40, and always pay her on time.

Once you figure out your rate of pay, overtime pay, regular payday, required hours and weekly responsibilities create a written contract stating such and have you and your nanny both sign and keep a copy. It would also be wise to include policies regarding: sick leave, vacation, personal leave and holidays.

What are some things I can do to make my nanny happy?

• Offer your nanny breakfast/lunch/dinner if the nanny is working in your home during these times. If not, at least make sure there is something in your fridge for her to snack on.
• If your nanny is schlepping your kids around the city all afternoon, provide her with a monthly metrocard to make her life easier.
• Be reasonable in your expectations. Your nanny is not a superhero and cannot complete X amount of tasks a day while managing to be a present and active caretaker of your child. The more reasonable you are, the more likely your nanny will be flexible in working with you.
• Give your nanny a raise after a year [usually $20 extra/wk], a bonus at the end of the year [1-2 weeks salary is appropriate] and severance pay [but only if she is let go without cause]. Also bump up her pay if you have another child [usually an extra $2/hr] or need to increase the workload. If you do not do these things, she will resent you and will eventually seek other employment.
• Keep clear and open communication lines. Be mature. Do not be passive aggressive. This is a recipe for disaster. Your nanny will sense your attitude, and it may create irreparable discord within your arrangement.
• Trust her and treat her with respect. Do not micromanage, do not ask her to keep a log of minute details, do not check in non-stop, do not speak down to her or treat her like a slave. This is someone intelligent and responsible that you hired to work in your home and with your children, so be sure to treat her as such.

What are some things I can do to make my employer happy?

• No matter how you arrange your responsibilities throughout the day, make sure that by the time your employer walks through the door, all your duties are completed and the house is clean and organized.
• Follow your employer's desires and do not impose your own belief system onto the family – unless you feel the child may be in danger, or you feel you have a more qualified solution.
• You should never finish anything in your employer's fridge, unless you have explicit permission to do so. Also be aware that whatever you finish, you should courteously replace.
• Do not get lazy. When the kids are up and about, keep the TV off, keep your cellphone on silent, and stay off the computer. And don't nap either, unless your employer gives you explicit permission to do so. You are on the clock, so please act like it.
• Be on time and be flexible, but if you aren't available at all on a certain day or time, make your employer aware. They should do their best to respect your time off.
• Do not ask for loans. This is completely inappropriate and your employer is not a bank.

What all nannies and employers should know: 

*Fit is extremely important. If you are a creative and spontaneous family, you would want a nanny that fits well with that type. The same for a studious and laid-back family. Choose a nanny that fits best with your lifestyle. Nannies should also be aware of this! If you have multiple offers, go with the family who's parenting style you most respect. Follow your gut and don't be swayed by money or pushy people.

*Employers: Avoid specifying race/ethnicity in your job postings. It's tacky, prejudiced, and completely illegal.

*Speak up! Nannies: If you feel you deserve a raise, a bonus, severance pay or time off; mention it to your employers in a dignified and calm manner. Employers, if you cannot afford a raise or bonus, be sure to let your nanny know and try to compensate her in other ways.

*Remember each others birthdays! It's a nice treat to have someone you work with so closely remember the day that you came into the world.

*Be laid back and keep perspective. You are working together to raise a lovely little adult. Take it day by day and take breaks, if needed.
*Nannies and families should both understand that needs change as life changes: A nanny's hours may decrease or vanish completely as a child matures, and a family may have to say goodbye to a nanny who is now pursuing other opportunities. Be open to change, and prepare well for it.

*Know your rights! On top of mandatory overtime, domestic workers in NYC are entitled to:

• A 14 day termination notice or severance pay.
• A day of rest every 7 days [or paid overtime on that 7^th day].
• Six paid holidays off.
• Seven paid sick days off.
• Five paid vacation days off.
• Three paid days of rest after 1 year of work.
• 30 minutes break per 6 hours worked.

Have fun! If you find the right family, babysitting can be enriching and very well compensated. I have fond memories of some great kids and lovely sets of parents, many of whom gave me jobs when there were few other viable options for me. Even after I've chosen to move on, I'll forever be grateful for the opportunities I had to work with some of New York's warmest families.

Black & White TV

One of the few movies I've seen with a Black & Hispanic lead

There's been a lot of chit chatter about The Help. Now I haven't seen it yet [but I will] and my upcoming rant has little to do with the actual movie, but more so with the common portrayal of Blacks/Hispanics* as miscreants, idiots, blue collar workers, servants, slaves, gangsters, drug dealers/addicts, charity cases, fuck-ups, single mothers, uneducated, hood dwellers, violent... Not that some of us do not fit these types in real life, but I believe that the majority of us do not. And I'm sick and tired of Hollywood and the media painting us with one broad brush, consistently viewing and portraying us in a monolithic way with no room for realism or growth.

How many times do people of color need to be shown in this light before the formula is exhausted? I wish I could say different, but the truth is, these portrayals affect people's subconscious, feeding the notion that Blacks/Hispanics are lesser than whites and that they need all the help they can get. That "whites have it right" while people of color are severely simple-minded and forever struggling.

Now you know I don't believe that for a second! Sheeeit. But when I walk down Madison ave in the mornings, I see the belief of being "lesser than" in the eyes and demeanor of many different people. I see young Hispanic men, looking sloppy and rugged, apologetically dodging out of the way when a white person crosses their path. I see black delivery men averting their eyes, often looking at the floor instead of up and around this beautiful city. I've seen a subway car full of immigrants freeze when a white man sternly asked an innocent question. I've seen various whites with their noses in the air, with an entitlement so strong they rarely say excuse me when needing to move past you. [Caucasians know they are guilty of this! I've seen too many who prefer to quietly brush past or just stand there passive aggressively until the person in their way gets the hint and moves. They are also quite selfish on the subway.]

I'm articulate, well-dressed and petite – things that assist whites in deeming me as safe. But these things are also problematic. Are they truly indicative of an educated, progressive society, or are they indicative of a type that whites would like us all [white or not] to conform to?

Hollywood's poor excuse for black and tan visibility is just another slight that people of color have to contend with in this country. It's another way that society manages to oppress Blacks and Hispanics, and drive home the message that “We think very little of you – if we think of you at all.”

Attention all Gays and Jews who run Hollywood - and who also happen to be minorities - this needs to change!

I made a list of all the shows I remember watching that had a Black/Hispanic cast and managed to show the aforementioned races in a reasonably realistic light. As you will note, all of these shows are no longer on the air/in syndication. Curious...

In Living Color [now coming back, but cancelled for no reason]

New York Undercover

In the house

Gullah Gullah Island

Hangin with Mr. cooper

The Steve Harvey show

The Jamie Foxx Show

Moesha

The Parkers

Family Matters

Parenthood
Living Single

My Cousin Skeeter
Keenan & Kel

The Wayans Bros.

Sister Sister

Taina
Martin

The Fresh Prince

Smart Guy

Everybody Hates Chris

The Hughleys

The Bernie Mac Show

That's so Raven

All That [had a rap as the theme song]

*I focus on Blacks and Hispanics in this piece because Asians [aka "the model minority"] aren't as commonly portrayed in such a negative light. Stereotypical sure, but not often outright negative.

In honour of the fact that life is short

This post is by Danielle LaPorte, and the content is so exquisitely attuned to what I've always believed, all the more so lately. "Life is hard, but live it softly, throw pain free." Enjoy.

wear your white shirts. get them pressed.
use your good dishes — everyday.
shave on weekends.
do not wait for special occasions.
do not tuck your best away in the drawers, in the back of the closet, in your heart.
don’t wait for holidays or invitations.
declare that your today is the special occasion.
call instead of emailing. (it feels so good to connect.)
go for coffee.
quit.
renounce your glory days. you’ve told all of those stories more than twice.
focus forward.
wear perfume for yourself.
toss your only-wear-around-the-house clothes and let your good clothes graduate to around-the-house status.
intend to feel good all of the time.
write your book.
launch.
make great sex a priority. (this alone will make you more creative and free. on your death bed, you will think about all the great sex you had this lifetime.)
burn your to-do list.
write poetry. One a day.
make a point to be as encouraging as possible, as much as possible, to everyone possible.
don’t look back.
if you feel like you’re always failing, consider that this is part of being an artist. let it be a divine inclination. keep going.
enter.
leave.
eat real food.
often refuse to be in the presence of people who make you feel repressed, anxious, or pull your frequency down.
do not entertain haters.
send light to the haters.
give it away. you probably don’t need it and someone else does.
turn off the tv.
let it be easy.
burn candles. during the day.
fall in love. with yourself. with the person you’re with. with the persons in your orbit.
because no one is perfect, but you can let the love be perfect for the both of you.
because everyone — everyone — is a doorway to God.
because you can get there from here.
because life is short.

How to feel better

You ever wake up one morning and just feel down in the dumps? Do you feel lost and lonely? Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you feel unfulfilled and morose as of late? I've been there too, and I'm here to help! Here is my personal guide on How to feel better... hope it helps! [Note: This is not intended as a guide for those who suffer from severe depression and/or mental illness.]

• Stand up for yourself in a healthy way. Speak the truth, don't attack, don't name call, and don't bully. Aim to enlighten the offender in the clearest way while unburdening your justified emotion. Never take any action that would reflect poorly on you. For example: I stick to the facts, and state my case firmly and calmly. If people get rowdy or refuse to hear me out, I don't waste my time and cease interaction. I've never had to resort to something as lowly as spitting, stealing, hitting, cheating, or degrading anyone. Them realizing their mistake and what they've lost was punishment enough. I've walked away from every confrontation I've ever had feeling victorious, because I made it my aim to always be fair and ladylike.

• Make an effort to give. When you are giving and sharing, the focus is off yourself and is doled out to others instead. For example: When I first moved to the city, I did a huge clean out and had a ton of extra stuff. I ended up giving a huge bag of clothes and accessories to a down-and-out young mother who I found on Craigslist, and to this day I still wonder about her.

• Keep perspective. There are millions of people who are hungry, homeless, dying, fighting, addicted, lonely, empty, angry right now. Remember not to blow things out of proportion and take a moment to think about the positive in your life.

• Keep your mind, body and life as balanced as possible. Never take more than you need, never take more than you'd give in return, and never deplete your body's mental, emotional and physical resources. You need your mind and body to be at their best, they're the only ones you've got!

• Know that it's okay to be sad or angry. Let yourself feel negative emotions all the way through, allowing yourself to process them all the way. And then, once it's mostly out, cease to dwell on it. Try your very best to let all negativity go or else it will rot you from the inside out. How do you do that? Acknowledge it, recognize its presence, then abolish it. If you can't do that, then change how you view it. For example: When I begin to feel some kind of way, I deal with the emotion then and there [or at least, as soon as possible]. Carrying a negative emotion from now into next summer isn't effective and makes little sense to me. So I cry if I feel like crying, I let myself feel anger if I'm pissed and I let myself feel pain if I've been hurt. I also try to do whatever I can to constructively cope. Within a day or two [or sometimes even a few hours] I notice that the feeling has largely faded. It has slipped right out of my system, and out of my life.

• Curb all jealousy. Hating another won't make you any smarter/richer/more attractive/more in shape. For example: When I see a fly ass woman [whether it's sick style or a cool-as-shit attitude], I think to myself “She better work!!!” I love love love seeing confident women out and about, I feel a camaraderie with them, almost like they're my spirit sisters.

• Free up your muscles, and let those limbs loose. Move. Exercise. Stretch. Dance. Roller-skate. Box. Play ball. Do yoga. Do 50 pushups. Touch your toes. Do 100 jumping jacks. Take a walk. Breathe. Go for a run. Do the hustle. I promise you'll feel better.

• Stop eating garbage. All those fake foods and sugary concoctions that are being sold at every fast food joint and supermarket are just that... fake concoctions. When your palate gets used to what's natural again, all that artificial stuff won't taste as yummy anymore. Plus you'll stop feeling so lethargic, and your number two's will be easier to push out and more regular [yes, I went there].

• Communicate. Talk it out. Think. Confront the bastard. Write. Talk until it makes sense. Tell someone how you feel. Vent. Call a friend. Find a therapist. Call a 1-800 hotline. Dial your mom. Let those feelings out, and with that will come clarity.

• Listen to your gut. It is our built-in human compass, an inherent tool that is keen and adept at figuring out how trustworthy we should be of what's in front of us.

• Check out this cartoon. It's so genius, and although I've felt it before, I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment of liberation the way this artist did.

• Listen to music. When does this ever not work?

• Get deep into your hobbies: Write, draw, dance, paint, play an instrument, play a game, sing.

• Volunteer: Work with children, mentor a troubled teenager, check in on your family, help a friend move. If you don't get a warm feeling after being the recipient of sincere gratitude, then you're dead inside. 

• Remember that we all feel this way every now and then and rest assured that none of us know why.

Shit People Say

This whole Shit Girls Say phenomenon has gone viral, but unlike most things that people latch on to and ruin, most of the alternate versions are hilarious and highly entertaining. After viewing 'Shit Girls Say' and 'Shit Black Girls Say' and finding them equally on point, I searched for 'Shit Hispanic Girls Say' and more specifically, 'Shit Dominican People Say'. I found three videos and they are all amazing. You can thank me later.

Darla does a great job, sharing many Dominican sayings that I'm not even familiar with. My favorite one is: A mi no me busques, que me vas a encontrar!

This is more like "Shit Dominican Moms Say" and it is, seriously,  1000% accurate.
 

This is, unfortunately and hilariously, a very accurate account of Nuyorican and Washington Heights based Dominican girls. The portrayal is immaculate!

Fears II

I cannot even tell you how much I love the beat to this song.

I'm sure it's no surprise that I found Miami to be pretty underwhelming. Although my vacation was more about me and my company and less about Miami, the majority of what I saw failed to evoke any real reaction in me other than “That's it?!” There were a few memorable moments: the good Cuban food at Puerto Sagua and witnessing a campy seven I-lost-count set show at the gloriously tacky Mangos Tropical Cafe. [May I never witness such a clowning-worthy atrocity again!] Also, Joe Budden was on my flight back to NYC. I first spotted him when he appeared right next to me during check-in. No lie. He smelled like weed, and his voice was so deep in person that it startled me. On another positive note, the weather was super nice. It remained breezy and in the mid 70s all week, and I certainly needed the respite from the New York winter. My week in Miami reminded me why I moved to the city from the New York suburbs: I feared wasting my life away in a “That's it?!” type of town. I remember being in Boise, Idaho and asking the dwellers what they thought of their town. The common response was “You get used to it.” That kind of passive stance on their environment made me shudder. I soon realized that I never wanted to live in a place that made me feel that way.

I have two adderall pills stashed away in my pill organizer, tempting me every morning when I take my prenatal vitamin [Mindy Kaling says they're great for your skin and hair!] I know the pills are legit [I got them from a trusted source] but I'm not sure what I wanna do with them yet. I mean, sometimes, my thoughts and energy are so manic that it feels difficult to get anything done since I can barely focus. But despite that, I have a huge fear of drugs and mind-altering substances. I'm the girl who won't take cold medicine until well after a week of struggle. I won't pop an advil unless my cramps are on the verge of unbearable. I was the girl who never knew what weed looked like until I found a bag in the freezer of my allegedly drug-free Brazilian boyfriend when I was 20. I didn't have my first real drink until I was legal [white wine], and to this day I've never been drunk. I've never touched cigarettes, and I speed walk past the toxic fumes on NYC sidewalks. I just find it all so unhealthy and ugly, and besides, no one around me growing up ever did any of that stuff. My Mom didn't even drink coffee. To do any of that shit now is like turning my back on how I was raised and where I came from. But adderall is different right? It helps you right? [Right?!] I heard it inspired Limitless. So for now, the adderall remains, until the one day I have some free time, feel like experimenting, or perhaps really really need it. One day.

I fear settling, I fear tempers [my own and my mate's], I fear feeling trapped/stuck, I fear feeling unfulfilled, I fear giving my all to someone and still feeling unloved. Five fears which culminated in my becoming a single woman again on Sunday afternoon. I believe in love, but I don't believe in putting up with people's insane emotional bullshit – which is something that boys want women to do all too often. It's not my cup of tea, and once I feel all the potential for something good in a relationship has vanished, it's time for me to leave. Run, don't walk when you're faced with someone's rampant denial of a major problem. If they can't see it, there's little you can do to make them. Plus like I always say... this is a city of 8 now 9 million people. There's no reason to settle for less when I'm an excellent catch with a few million potential suitors around me.

I fear complacency/staying stagnant. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks, namely, I'm hella judgmental and I have a tendency to rush the whole relationship process [both good and bad things is my honest conclusion]. And on the flipside, I also learned that if you catch me on the right day on a good wavelength; I can be hugely generous and a real, no holds barred risk-taker. This month, I've turned down job after job [that I've needed!] due to them just not being a good fit. I've fine tuned my resume, I've sought out potential mentors and paid internships and entry level positions [unfortunately to no avail, so that search lives on!]. I want to meet new people - I always want to meet new people, I'm an extrovert - but my track record certainly reflects more disappointments than successes, so the thought of enduring that whole process again is discouraging, at best. But I know what needs to be done, so I'm putting myself out there [whatever that means] with a focus on not necessarily “faking it until I make it” but keeping negativity out of my interactions. That should bode well. After all: If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done... Right? I keep telling myself that.

What is it that I want that I never had?

"I want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes, the hoes I suppose."

Yes. Yes. This seems accurate.

Fun in the Sun

I know this isn't Miami, but it doesn't matter.

 

I'm headed to Florida for the very first time next week, and more specifically, Miami. I have heard good and bad things about the locale, so I'm not really sure what to expect, but I promise to reserve judgement until I get there. As long as the weather is warm, and no one mistakes my ethnicity for Cuban, a good time will be had by all.

I love flying.

I don't think this is Miami either. But it sure is pretty.

So with this impending tropical vacation... I'm at a loss as to which of my bathing suits to bring. [Yes, I own all of these and this may or may not be my first opportunity to wear them since purchase. Don't judge me!] So, which suit do you like best?

The sexy crocheted one piece?

The black monokini?

The tie-dye monokini?

The fluttery Spring-esque bikini?

Or should I go for the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini?! State your pick in the comments!

The time I met Anthony Mackie

I planned on sitting on this story forever really, but then I thought, "Eh, what the fuck."

Spring 09 I was inside TenJune, standing near the entrance with a friend - this Asian chick named Ellie - and I was looking down at the floor at something. A second later when I look back up to eye level, I spot this super cute brown-skinned man that I immediately recognize as Anthony Mackie walking towards me.

So what do I do?

I touch him of course.

I put my hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks and say “I know you.”

And he smiles and replies “Do you?”

And I snicker softly because I'm thinking “'I know you'?! What an odd opening line to give a famous actor.”

I disregard my thoughts, and lean in to bashfully utter “I have a little movie star crush on you.”

And he says “Well I have a pretty girl crush on you!” smiling his grand smile again.

He asks me my name and I give it, smiling sheepishly at the fact that I already know his, but he gives his anyway and adds how nice it is to meet me.

Then he puts his hand on my shoulder and tells us ladies to have a good time, and that he'll see us around. 

[I saw him about 30 minutes later when I got pulled into his VIP area, but that's neither here nor there.]

When he walked away, it hit me. ***I had just met Anthony Mackie!!!*** and I didn't make an utter and complete fool out of myself. And rather refreshingly, neither did he.

*He's one of the rare male celebrities I've ever had a crush on – mostly due to his good looks and a magazine interview I'd read long ago where he came across as intelligent, dope and down to earth.